It was just a thought.

I'm at home alone tonight. And I'm not sad, I'm just lonely. My thoughts are dwelling on him. Not in a bad way, necessarily, though not in a good way either. Just in a way of desiring him. Desiring to be with him. I fell asleep in bed with him last night. And I wished I could fall asleep beside him every night and have his voice be the first noise to meet my ears in the morning. I'm not silly or stupid. I can certainly live without him. I just...don't want to. He makes me so happy. When I'm with him, I feel wanted. Cared for. I love the way he makes me feel. The only time I get angry with him is when I think of losing him. Because to lose him would be to lose all these feelings and have loneliness and stress in their place. Sometimes, he really makes me feel weak. Lightheaded. Breathless. I'm not used to feeling this way. But I know I don't want to lose this. When we're laying in bed together, I shut my eyes and pray that I can stay in that moment with him forever. Time passing, moments changing, however, are inevitable. My prayers fall on deaf ears as the seconds tick endlessly by. I'm so love sick. But unlike most illnesses, I don't want this one to pass.