It was just a thought.

I trek on through it all. Through everything that has happened and is happening. I just trek on. I haven't completely registered all that has happened. I don't want to. I just want to keep moving. Because if I don't pause, nothing has time to hit me. Must keep moving. Part of me is scared to keep moving and part of me is scared to pause. Even for an instant. The night after Gavin and I broke up, I had sex with someone else. I've had sex with this guy every night for the past week. Not because I want to, necessarily, but because it keeps my mind off of things. It's a time killer. Space filler. It fills that new void in my life. That gap that Gavin left when he did.. I never meant to fall so hard for him. This was never my intention. My brain kept saying I should guard my heart. That I shouldn't fall so fast so soon. But my heart didn't care. At all. My heart was finally happy. And even though it was unwise, I let myself fall. And fall I did. Flat on my face. Now, instead of laying there for a few minutes to see what damage has been caused, I quickly sprang to my feet and ran. As fast as I could. And I have this dull ache in my heart, but I know that if I stop to acknowledge it, it will hurt even more. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt. But I don't want to keep running. Maybe it's time I man up and face my problems. But the little girl in me just doesn't want to feel another hurt in her heart again. My heart hurts so bad.