It was just a thought.

Waiting. Waiting is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I feel like I spend my whole life waiting. Waiting for opportunities and chances. Waiting for love. And now...now that I've found love...what do I do? Wait. Wait to see where this will go. Sometimes I wish I could make other people's decisions for them. Like this one. I don't know how long Gavin and I will be together. I don't know. But I want to see. I want to give us a chance at forever. And right now, we have an expiration date. 6/10. I hate that. I hate that no matter how much we love each other or how great our relationship is, June is the end date. I can't do that. I can't. I know I can't but I also know that I will. A smart person would break it off now so it will hurt less. But me? I mean, even if he says he isn't going to move with me, I'm not going to end this until June. 8 months. Eight months for our relationship to grow only to be cut down. And then I'll be back at square one: in pieces. Will I be able to get over it? Of course. I have gotten over much greater. But for once in my life, I wish I didn't have to. I wish things would just stay good. I'm not stupid. I don't think it will be easy. I don't even know if it will be right. But if we don't give it a shot, we will never know. And I just want to know. I don't want to spend my whole life wondering and asking myself, "what if?" I just want to know. And if this all ends because I'm moving, I will never know. And I don't think I'll ever be able to truly love someone again because there will always be a part of me holding out for Gavin and still mulling over the possiblities that could have been realities if we had stayed together. I just want us to have a shot at forever. Even if we miss the shot, I want us to have the opportunity. I can't let myself throw this away. I've finally found love. Finally. After all the heartache and heartbreak, my heart is finally back together again. I don't think my heart has ever felt so whole before. Giving us an expiration date is giving my heart an expiration date. Only worse. Because even when my heart is in pieces on the floor, I will still have to go on. Devastated and heartbroken.