It was just a thought.

Down in the pits. That's where my soul is right now. I don't really know how to explain it. It's like, I'm utterly insatiable. There is nothing that will satisfy me. Nothing anyone can say or do. Everything is wrong. Unbearably wrong. And it makes me so angry. I just want to shake them. And scream in their face. Make them silent with the fear of my wrath. I get so angry lately. So angry. I don't know why. The slightest thing sets me off. I find myself subconciously clenching my jaw. My teeth grinding together as a result of my inner rage. Chills shoot through me, covering my skin in goosebumps. My forehead hurts lately from my brow, constantly furrowed, completing the permanent scowl I wear. I'm just so unsatisfied with everything and everyone. And the fact that I'm never content, never happy, makes me so frustrated. I'm so angry. While I often do not vocalize these frustrations, my body can't keep them a secret. The skin on my knuckles is taut, stretched over the bone, the tendons accentuated with anger. Right now. Right now, tears are stinging my eyes and I'm shaking with rage. And nothing really happened. Gavin blew off our plans. Again. And while I know that he has a good reason and he isn't meaning to, I can't keep my rage at bay. I'm so angry. And all I can think about is driving my fist through the window pane. Or throwing a chair at the computer screen. My head hurts from wearing my anger. I'm so angry. And I can't keep these tears from burning. And Gavin isn't texting me back. And I'm trying really hard not to think about it. Because when I think about it, I get very angry.Very angry. I just don't understand why he can't text me back. Like, is it really that difficult? Honestly? It takes, what? 4 seconds to type a response out. All I need is a yes or no answer. YES. OR. NO. This is not that difficult. It really makes me wonder how low his IQ really is. If he isn't able to text a 2-3 lettered response....GOOD FUCKING GOD. HOW IS THIS LEVEL OF STUPIDITY EVEN POSSIBLE? I sent him a text SIXTEEN MINUTES AGO. WHAT could he POSSIBLY be doing that hinders him from sending me a FOUR SECOND REPLY? I am so furious. It is taking all of me not to break something. Throw something. Hit something. I NEED TO DESTROY SOMETHING. I can't believe how mad I am. I want to snap my phone in half. Throw the pieces at the door. Smash the screen. Everytime I pick it up to see if he's replied, I can feel the fragile buttons beneath my very able fingers. And all I think is, "just a little pressure. Release just a little bit of my anger out onto this feeble keypad and..." Well. I would destroy it. I would destroy until one could not identify it as a phone anymore. Just mere metal flakes. So, this is how I've been lately. Furious beyond compare. Without probable cause. Just. Furious. My heart is pounding. Glowering at the computer screen, my eyes are stinging with the tears pushing from behind them. Threatening to break through and flood. But I can't let them. Otherwise, I will drown myself in a deluge of my own angry tears. Although drowning, right now, well, it doesn't seem so cruel.