It was just a thought.

The other night really got me thinking about life with Andy growing up. All these memories I had suppressed for years just...came up. No actual complete memories, just pieces of them. Like, hiding in the shower with Autumn when he would get mad and storm around the house with an object to hit us with. Or putting padding on under our clothes so it wouldn't hurt as badly. The look of terror on Autumn's face when he broke the wooden spoon on her. And when he was holding only splinters in his hand and Autumn was sure it was over, he went downstairs and got a metal spatula and continued while I cried and Autumn screamed. We were all alone with him while my mom was at work. Life was like walking in a mine field. The smallest movement would set him off and all hell would let loose. I wonder why he never hit me as much as Autumn. He didn't beat me. Not like he beat Autumn. Looking at her now, I understand why she is the way she is. He beat all the joy out of her. I don't remember the point in time when I saw her smile-her real smile-vanish forever.