It was just a thought.

I need to stop thinking about this. I don't understand why I'm the only one in my family still affected by this. It's really stupid. And complicated. I need to get over it. Do I need to get over it? Or did everyone else just get over it way too quickly? I don't know. But come on. I can't be the weird one here. Right? It's not weird of me to still be upset, disturbed, nauseated by this. Right? I've never been one to hold a grudge but when someone does something like this, can you ever really "get over" it? It's frustrating. And my mom...she doesn't understand why I can't just get over it like she did. Like everyone did. I don't know. It's just so...big...I can't just let it go. I need to just stop thinking about it. Or maybe I should actually do something about it. I asked Gavin if he thought it'd be worth it for me to take Andy to court over it. And Gavin said, "If you think it's worth it, then it is." And you know what? I think it is. I do. I don't think it's right for anyone to get away with rape. Ever. And maybe I should do something about it. No matter what conflict it will cause with my family. I'm sorry, but you can't rape my mother for years and just...get away with it. I need to do something about it. I need to. For my mom. For my brothers. For my sister. For my family. For me. I don't think these nightmares are going to go away unless I make them. Unless I put Andy away. And that's what I need to do. So it's settled. And now I just have to find the courage.