It was just a thought.

What is death like? I've been sitting here planning how I should die and then all of a sudden, it hit me. I'm going to be dead forever. I don't know. Before I do anything, I need an answer from God. I can't just kill myself out of the blue and hurt all these people in my life for no reason. I don't know. I really am just going to have to keep praying about it. It isn't that I want to die. I just want to feel loved. And right now, the only source of love I am getting is from God. So, naturally, I want to be as close to Him as possible. And if that means leaving this life... I don't know. I just don't know. I just need to pray. I need to do a lot, a lot of praying. And this needs to be personal. It does. I don't want to talk to anyone about it. It's my battle, and I want to fight it alone. So. The plan is to fake happiness until I figure all this out. Yeah. Easier said than done.