It was just a thought.

Why am I constantly nervous? I'm nervous about everything all the time. And I bet Gavin hates it. He handles it well but I think deep down, he can't stand it. And so I have to fix it. I just don't know how. I'm nervous all the time. When he doesn't respond to a message right away. When he's driving home at the end of the night. When he doesn't say "I love you" right before he hangs up. When he calls me Gabby instead of Baby. I'm nervous all the time about the dumbest things. And it's only because I'm preparing myself for another break up. My mind is always ready for him to dump me at any second. Well, as ready as it can be. I couldn't handle another break up. I honestly couldn't. I can't lose him again. I can't. God says He will never give you anything you can't handle. And I hope He's telling the truth. Because losing Gavin again is something I could never handle. Right along with losing my brothers, sister, or mom. The thought of that...makes me sick. I don't have a lot of friends. And I don't have very much family anymore. The very few people I have in my life, I can't afford to lose. Gavin is my best friend. He knows me better than I know myself. He's everything I've always wanted. And he's everything I wish I could be. When I'm with him, I feel complete. He's everything I'm not. Where I lack, he excels. When I'm scared, he's my courage. When I'm sad, he's my smile. When I'm weak, he's my strength. When I'm lonely, he's my comfort. He's my everything. And I can't lose him again. I really, really can't. I just...can't.