It was just a thought.

I've figured it out. I couldn't quite put my finger on why Gavin seems to care so much about me most times but then...he'll do something that really hurts me and won't even care. Like the Omaha thing. I get it. Gavin cares about me a lot. Almost all the time. Except when it comes to weed. Gavin will always pick weed over me. Always. I have so many examples of this. Going back to the very beginning, when he just liked me and he was supposed to take me out on a date and instead, he came over completely high, completely late, and I just told him to leave. Did he apologize? Nope. And then there was the time when I was completely stressed out and when he came over, I asked if we could smoke the weed I bought and it turns out, he had already smoked all of it on his way over. Awesome! Every time he hangs out with Drew, I always ask him not to smoke all the weed, "No, baby, I won't!" and then he comes back, blazed, and he either hands me the pipe and says "There's 2 hits left, you can have them" or he just pulls out his phone and says "I'll try to find more." And then there's the Omaha thing. Where, I know the main reason he wanted to go was not to visit Sion but because there was going to be a ton of weed smoking. Yeah, I'm not stupid. If they were just going to hang out and weren't going to smoke weed, I bet you anything Gavin wouldn't have wanted to go. You know what? It's fuckin ridiculous. It really is. That me, as a human being, comes in second to a fuckin plant. Hey, I'm all for weed. Weed is awesome. But only so long as it doesn't interfere with life. And for Gavin, weed is his life. Yesterday, when I was in excruciating pain, Gavin decided to wait to go to the hospital so he could load a bowl first. And then, as we're in the hospital parking lot and I'm moaning "can we please go in now?" he says, "Hold on, let me take 2 more hits." Seriously? I just don't know what to do. Of course I'm not going to ask him to stop smoking weed, although I have suggested he cut back a bit. But, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to bring this up. I don't want to be controlling or a bitch or anything of the sort. I want him to do whatever makes him happy. Really, I want him to be truly happy. But I also don't want to keep getting hurt in the process.