It was just a thought.

I just can't believe she would do this to us. It seems so cruel. It feels so cruel. I hate the person I see in the mirror. I curse my reflection for not being lovable by her. She hated my face. Sometimes I hate my face too. I'm at the library. It's nice. I like doing something new for once. Every day is the same old thing and the monotony drives me insane. Lately, everything has been driving me insane. Maybe it's the lack of a job. Lack of control. With unpredictable mood swings, it was nice to have a job to force me into keeping calm and having control over my emotions. Lately, they're just completely controlling me. And I'm starting to think maybe I should go on medication. But medication is so...weird. It changes me. I don't know. But one thing's for sure: I need to get control of my emotions and fast. I can't take this constant up and down anymore. It's driving me insane. Oh but everything is driving me insane. Even sanity drives me insane. It's like, I'm so super insecure lately. About everything. About things I was never insecure about before. It's ridiculous. I just hope it passes sometime soon. I just need to get my shit together. I need a job and I need a car and I need a place of my own. For me and Gavin. That I can decorate. And I need a puppy. And a college degreee. And I need some new shoes. I need my daddy. I wish he lived here. That's what I need. My Gavin and my daddy. Here together. I need a hug.