It was just a thought.

I'm too tired to fall asleep. I'm too weak to follow dreams. I'm just...exhausted in every way possible. My mind is tired. My heart is tired. My soul is tired. I'm just so weary. I can't explain why. I guess it's just a lot of things. Everything. Everything is taking a toll on me: emotionally as well as physically. I don't understand my life right now. Why is it "weird" for me to go to a concert with Gavin? Why am I talking to Nick? Why am I hanging out with him tomorrow night when I don't even want to? But that's the thing. I don't want to do any of the things I'm doing right now. Any of them. I don't want to get over Gavin. I don't. That's not a chapter of my life I'm willing to put the final punctuation mark on. I don't want to see anyone else. What's the point? Where's the purpose? I don't want to go to work. And I don't want to try. I don't want to laugh. But I don't want to cry. I don't want to sleep. But I don't want to stay awake. The one thing I actually do want is the one thing I can never have again. I want what I used to have.